Wednesday, January 21, 2015

you can't always get what you want, but its worth asking

I'm not great at asking for what I need.

Who am I kidding? I'm terrible.

I don't like to ask for help, I don't tell even those closest to me when I could really use them. Its not because I have some idea that I should be strong or I don't want to owe someone its because I like to be the caretaker. I want to be the one to help you when you're sick or tired; I don't want to burden anyone with my needs.

My great joy comes from cooking for someone who is busy, bringing them something they've forgotten. In college my friends called me "mama rach," clearly with reason.

This way of thinking has unfortunately led to the consequence that I seem paralyzed to ask for what I want. Last week I asked for something at work and was met with an offer that I could have what I wanted, sort of. My immediate reaction was to say, "OK close enough, I'll take it." But, that really wasn't what I was looking for.

I was encouraged by a friend to stick up for myself and demand what I really want, nicely of course.

You know what? I got it. I asked for what I wanted and was karmically rewarded. 

On the other hand last week I also failed miserably in asking for help. I was moving and wanted to be able to do it on my own like the fierce chick I am. Moving is really the pits, I knew I was going to have a tough time, yet I just refused to tell my people that I needed them there. I insisted up to the very moment I was loading the truck that I didn't need anyone.

It was miserable. I was so unhappy to be on my own dealing with the stresses of moving. But then my people did show up, they brought lunch, they helped build furniture, they hung pictures. I needed that moment on my own, that moment of being uncomfortable, of being reminded that asking for help is ok, before they swarmed in and saved me.

settling into our new place
Community is invaluable. Even as someone who loves to care take, I'm making an effort to tell people what I need and ask for what I want. I'm learning that when you take care of others, the good ones, the ones worth taking care of, want to take care of you right back. Letting them is the real work.


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